Chaos at the Uchiha Mansion
by brokenseraphim
Summary: Hyuuga Inc. just went bankrupt. Luckily, Hinata stumbles upon a drunken Itachi who offers her the perfect job as a maid. But the problem is that fighting fangirls, playing matchmaker, and falling in love wasn't apart of the job description. SasuHina
1. And so it begins

**Disclaimer: All I own is Itachi's ass. **

**Warning: This story contains minor Shounen ai. Okay. So maybe not that minor. **

**Prologue: Hag got some Shaggin'**

Hinata sighed as she watched the scenery that flew past her open window. Her father had done it again, even though she had practically begged him not to.

Hyuuga Hiashi loved to show off his wealth. It was probably his equivalent to a fetish—although Hinata would much rather not think about what happened in the bedroom between her parents. The thought made her quite literally choke on her own saliva, earning a concerned glance from the chauffer in the front seat. After waving him off and telling him she was perfectly fine, albeit mentally scarred for life, Hinata threw herself back against the leather seat of the limo.

Kami-sama, the _limo._

Her father had once more, sent the _limousine_ to pick her up from her _public_ high school.

Perhaps if it had been a private high school, Hinata wouldn't worry as much since a limousine would have been expected from the students. But at a public high school such as Konoha High, a limo was far from ordinary.

Hinata could always hear the disapproving whispers of her peers whenever she passed by. They thought that she couldn't hear them, but to her, their gossiping was as clear as her father's scalp when he forgot to put his wig on.

Hinata knew what they thought of her. To them she was nothing more than a spoiled, selfish brat from higher society. The only reason why they never dared to confront her about it face to face instead of "dissing" her behind her back was because she was heiress to the almighty Hyuuga Corps, an international trade company.

As her innocent looking but not really so innocent little sister would say, the kids at school were nothing but pussies.

The lavender eyed girl released another sigh as she remembered her peers' reaction when the limousine had pulled up at the school's parking lot, yet _again_.

She had flushed a soft pink as she heard the ever so familiar murmur run through the crowd of students that were waiting for their own parents in their _ordinary_ cars to pick them up. Hinata had sprinted to the sleek, black automobile that awaited her.

For Kami-sama's sake, the chauffer was there too.

"Hinata-dono?" The shy Hyuuga was ripped from her thoughts and turned to look up at her Chauffer, Kotetsu. "Your father, Hyuuga-sama, wanted me to let you know that he wants to see you right away once we reach the manor. It's something urgent apparently."

She nodded and murmured a quiet thank you. A few minutes passed before either of them spoke.

"We're here." Kotetsu announced.

Hinata whispered another thank you before emerging from the expensive automobile. Her mind was concentrated on not planting her face into the ground which of course, made her plant her face into the ground. Scuttling to her feet, she ignored Kotetsu's muffled laughs behind her and the heat rising in her cheeks.

Navigating her way through the familiar and unnecessarily lengthy garden paths, she finally entered the Hyuuga Manor's wide, front doors to be met with several maids, all in uniform, simultaneously greeting her. Many have said the act was astonishing and impressive but to Hinata, it was seriously creepy.

The head maid, Izumi, walked up to her and bowed. "Hinata-dono, your father is waiting for you."

Nodding her head back to the elderly lady, Hinata silently followed her to where her father waited for her.

Hinata's back arched forwards, offering a proper bow to the middle-aged man that sat before her. "Otou-sama."

The owner of Hyuuga Corps, acknowledged his daughter silently and gestured her to sit in one of the several chairs that was scattered around the office. That was when Hinata finally noticed that she wasn't the only one there. Her sister, Hanabi, and her cousin Neji were also present.

Hiashi Hyuuga sighed softly, "I have gathered you three here today for a grave announcement." Hinata stared at him intently, quietly wondering what was so important. "From today on, we are officially…bankrupt."

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Old maid Sturaki worked at the Uchiha mansion long enough to have seen Itachi in his diapers and to be the ones to change them. Even back in those days, young Itachi-sama was indeed…impressive—Sturaki had never seen a child get something that freakishly large out of his anus without shedding a single tear…if only she had known that it was a warning sign of something else.

Now in her mid 60s, she was secretly thinking of retirement, and at that moment, retirement sounded like heaven.

A soft groan emitted from the old woman's mouth as she was forced to bend down shakily. "I'm getting much too old for this..." she mumbled as she gathered up scattered clothing in the hallway. "Kami-sama...What in the world happened here?"

The old maid followed the trail of abandoned clothes to the storage closet. Frowning, she pressed her ear against the door to be met with soft whispers and dear Lord, was that _moaning? _Confused, and somewhat frightened, she opened the door to reveal two naked bodies hugging each other and doing…_things, very disturbing things._

A loud shriek echoed through the mansion as old maid Sturaki ran through the hallways and out the front door, faster than you can say, "Hardcore Yaoi."

Itachi frowned and shut the door. "Never liked her anyway," he mumbled.

Kakashi snickered. "Shall we continue?" he asked, his mouth capturing the red-eyed Uchiha lips once again.

"Aniki? Where are you? I heard a scream that sounded like St— Oh, GAWD!" Sasuke had come running at the sound of Sturaki's scream, having thought it was a fan girl who had managed to get past security. He came down the stairs to find his aniki and his sensei…doing _something_ in the closet.

He blushed feverishly and slammed the door shut. "I'm so sorry, Aniki! Sensei! I-I didn't know!" he stuttered, and ran off. Sasuke knew that he would have nightmares that night, and probably every night after that for as long as he lived. He couldn't resist the tortured groan in his throat as he realized that, that closet had been the exact place where he had put his favorite pair of cleats. To think, he had been wondering what that odd dried up white stuff on his shoes were.

Kakashi blinked "Well, that was kind of…awkward."

Itachi smirked in the dark, "Sasuke's a good boy. I know he won't tell father."

"Do you think we scarred him for life?" Kakashi asked, moaning when the dark haired Uchiha began to nip at his neck

The sensei could feel the other man grin. "I'd be rather disappointed if he wasn't."

Old maid Sturaki never again entered the Uchiha mansion and called to resign under a strange reason, which she would never reveal.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

La-dee-doo

Do you wanna take a poo?

No, okay, then review!

Gawd. I am such a genius.


	2. Job Advice

**Chapter 1: Job Advice is only Really Good when it comes from someone with a job. Yeah. I'm talking to you Kiba. P/s. The author does not like writing Bully Drama. But, shit happens.**

It was her first day back from the tedious summer break and Hinata walked through the school halls, her head bowed in shame, the long dark strands falling to shadow her face. Everywhere she turned her white eyes were met with glares. She took it that they heard about her family's bankruptcy.

When she reached the classroom, she pulled open the door and immediately silence reigned, only to be replaced with whispers.

"God, did you hear about her family's bankrupcty?"

"I'm amazed she even showed up to school."

"Tch! Looks like the little ass is finally off her high horse!"

She bit her lower lip, and her pale fingers tightened around the strap of her backpack. Head still bowed she sat down quietly in her seat. Hinata looked up hesitantly at the faces of her so called friends. They were ignoring her, refusing to even notice her existence.

"K-Karin...?" she called out, her voice a whisper. At first, Sakura didn't seem to hear her.

"Karin." she called out a little louder, reaching out to tap her on the shoulder.

The red haired girl recoiled as though she had been burned. Her "pretty" face contorted in disgust, "Don't touch me with those filthy hands," she spat. "Damn poor bitch."

Hinata gasped, her hands flying to her mouth, her eyes looking as if they were going to spill over with tears. She thought her friends would help her in this situation. She was dead wrong, the harsh truth of reality hit her, excruciatingly painful.

No one likes you in a high class society if you're poor. It was law.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Hinata could no longer sit with her "friends", seeing how they now thought her unsanitary. She had chosen to sit outside under a tree, away from the gossiping crowds of students. She had just taken out her bento, her pale hands still shaking, her heart still wrenching at the thought of those that she had once considered her beloved nakama. And that was when said "friends" decided to get a little bitchy.

Bitchy, was an understatement.

A shoe kicked the bento out of Hinata's hands, rice and shrimp pouring over Hinata's lap. The Hyuuga looked up, frightened. Her offenders stood over her, cruel smiles adorning their faces. She buried her head in her hands, knees drawn up to her chest, refusing to look at them.

"I'm amazed you're still alive, I wouldn't be able to stand the shame of being poor." Karin said, her face scrunched up in a sneer. Her red eyes narrowing as she glared down at the trembling girl below her.

"God, do you EVER speak!" She screeched. "Do you not know how disgraced we are just because we acted like we were your friends?"

Hinata only let out a sob as she cuffed her fingers around her ears, not wanting to listen to anymore of this.

"God, do you EVER stop bitching," A voice called out. All of the girls swung around, letting their inner Fan Girl out, and in a second Karin changed completely. Putting on a horridly fake smile, and combing her red hair quickly with manicured nails.

"Sasuke-kun!" she cooed, bouncing over to him. "Come, have lunch with me! Away from this poor little whore," she said in a sickeningly sweet voice, attaching herself like a leech onto his arm.

He jerked his arm away from her and gave her a glare that only a true Uchiha could muster. He snorted, pushing Karin onto the ground, "What a bunch of stereotypical little sluts! Abandoning someone only because she holds no more merit to them, you're the one who is filthy. If I were you, I'd find something better to do."

He took the few long strides that led him in front of the sobbing Hyuuga.

Letting out a high-pitched squeak as she felt strong hands pull her up onto her feet, Hinata backed up against the tree, the bark cutting into her back as she saw her savior.

Black eyes leaned in towards white ones, and Sasuke's voice was loud enough for only her to hear, a hiss between clenched teeth. "Next time, Hyuuga, learn to make better friends if you want any at all. Don't hang out with bitches, they might rub off on you, and we wouldn't want that now would we?"

With that he pulled away from the poor frightened girl and strode away, looking for Naruto, who would probably be eating cup Ramen somewhere.

'_Dear lord, hope that doesn't happen to me if they found out about Itachi and Kakashi,'_ He shuddered at the thought, _'Well, at least I know that Naruto and Gaara will back me up since they're gay too…"_

For some reason, the thought didn't make Sasuke feel any better.

The exact moment that Sasuke had turned the corner and into the cafeteria, Karin screamed in fury and swerved to turn on Hinata. "This. Is. All. Your. Fault."

Marching up to the still trembling Hinata, she slapped her across the face, the force so strong that it slammed the poor white eyed girl into the tree behind her, and stormed away, the dirt still stuck to the back of her skirt.

Hinata cradled her red cheek and fresh tears sprung up in her eyes. To hell with after lunch classes, she couldn't take this anymore. Grabbing up her bento box and swinging her backpack onto her shoulders, she headed home.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Hinata sighed as she looked up at her new home. But it wasn't really home, and it wasn't hers, it was Neji's. When the Hyuuga main branch went bankrupt and the company was completely ruined, Hinata's family had nowhere to go. But Neji's mother had told Hiashi that her family could crash at their place until they got settled on their feet.

The house was normal, nothing compared to the old Hyuuga Mansion. It was a two-story with four bedrooms, a kitchen, living room, two bathrooms, and a basement. Since Neji and his mother had lived by themselves, they had had a lot of space. But now was a different matter. Hiashi and his wife shared a room to themselves, Hinata and Hanabi shared a room, Neji's mother had a room to herself, so did Neji, and whatever Hiashi had managed to keep from his old mansion was kept in the basement.

It might not seem so bad but, in the morning, everything was complete chaos.

Neji, Hinata, and Hanabi would be rushing, stuffing toast in their mouths and then they'd head off—Hanabi to middle school, Hinata to High School, and Neji to college. Hiashi and his wife would sit at the table breakfast, a slip of newspaper before the both of them. They were searching for new jobs that paid well and had reasonable work hours.

It's been two weeks and they still haven't found one yet, or at least Hinata's father hadn't.

Hyuuga Nozomi, Neji's mother worked as a stream stress at a store called Takara's Kimonos. Since Hinata's mother, Hisa was experienced with such work, Nozomi had introduced her to the owner, Takara, and had been accepted immediately since the store was stretched on workers. But as for Hiashi, it was a different matter. Hiashi was specialized in business, and now that his company had gone bankrupt, no one wanted him working for them in fear that the same thing would happen to their own business. After all, who would hire a man known as a failure to the media?

Hinata sighed as she turned the spare key that Nozomi-oba-san had given her and opened the door to find the house empty and eerily quiet. She took off her shoes as it was common courtesy and trudged her way upstairs, her feet dragging. Upon reaching the room that she shared with Hanabi, Hinata closed the door, dropped her backpack, and threw herself onto the bed her back on the soft pillows her eyes staring into the white ceiling.

It was…so quiet.

Even if it had been two months, Hinata wasn't used to it. All her life, whenever she lay on her bed she had never known true silence. Always, even in the middle of the night, she could hear the quick footsteps and the flurry of clothes as the maids rushed around cleaning and whatever else.

Hinata shut her eyes. How many people have gone unemployed because of the shut down of Hyuuga Corporations? Millions, if not more. But it wasn't only in Japan, H.C had branches in America, Korea, England, and about half a dozen in other countries.

Before she could even notice, she was crying—curled up in her fetal position, knees bent up to her chest, hands poised over her ears, as if hoping that she could block out all the non-existent noise. She hated change. She couldn't take it. Hinata wasn't the type to just adjust to the situation; she needed time, and a lot of it.

"Hinata…sama? The poor girl shot up from the bed, her hands flying up to her eyes to wipe away her tears.

"N-n-neji- nii-san!" Hinata bowed her head in shame for what seemed to be the millionth that day. She had been crying, Hyuugas weren't supposed to shed tears.

"Are," He paused, dragging his eyes around the dimly lit room, "are you alright, Hinata-sama?"

The nine teen year old leaned against her doorframe, white eyes closed as if in deep thought. "Hinata-sama…we're cousins aren't we?"

Hinata looked up at him in surprise, peering through her fingers that we're attempting to hide her red poofy eyes. "Y-yes, Neji-nii-san, we are…Why?"

Neji let out a sigh, "I heard from a friend that cousins usually hang out with each other…"

The girl blinked, Neji had friends…? She didn't know that…

The younger Hyuuga continued to stare at her cousin in confusion, "Eh?"

"Hinata-sama, would like to come with me and my friends today?"

"Eh?"

"Is that a yes or no, Hinata-sama?"

"E-Yes!" She shouted, "I-it's a yes." The girl blushed at her own outburst, hands coming up to slap against her mouth.

Neji pushed himself off the doorway, and Hinata could have sworn she saw a smile. It was nice, even though it made him look like a pedo-bear. "Come."

Hinata jumped off the bed and grabbed a coat before she rushed down stairs to put on her shoes and meet up with her cousin.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

It was great.

The outing was just what Hinata needed to forget about Sakura and Sasuke.

Lee and Tenten, Neji's friends, had quickly become Hinata's as well. Tenten was sweet and caring, like an older sister, and she was somewhat of a tomboy with a confidence the young Hyuuga absolutely admired. It seemed to Hinata that the Chinese transfer student had something going on for her cousin, but that might have been just her.

Lee was an awesome guy, he never failed to make Hinata laugh, even if it was a small shy giggle. He always called her Hime, insisting that Hinata was his princess and that he'd throw his life on the line for her if need be.

It was perfect.

But it ended, and Hinata went home, Neji driving. They had entered the house to find the rest of the family eating dinner, and things continued as they usually do. Everything that was good had to come to an end and time passed on…and Hinata would have to go to school. Happiness only lasted a short while.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

The next day was worse.

Karin and her little goons decided to start the bitching in the early morning, continuing it all day long and went into overkill mode at lunch, in which there was no Uchiha there to save her.

Hinata frowned slightly as she looked at herself in the mirror. She looked miserable.

Despite having been able to get the rice out of her hair, it was still wet with the juice that Karin thought was perfect for her and decided to pour on her head. Her face was still slightly bruised and sore from the slap Karin had been all too happy to give her during First Period. To add to that, her pale arms were covered in red welts where Karin's cronies held her so tight that their nails cut into her skin. She mentally winced as she looked at them.

Drying her hands with a paper towel, Hinata tightened her grasp on her backpack and walked to sixth period: English.

Hoping that no one would notice her presence, she wrenched the door open and walked in. No one did mainly because everything was in chaos. Screaming, gossiping, paper airplanes, and spitballs, you name it, it was there—she swore she saw some used condoms lying somewhere around in the back too.

Why was English like this? Because Kakashi-sensei didn't give a shit.

Kakashi-sensei's philosophy was that the students could do whatever they wanted in class but when the exams came around, if you failed you'd just be held back and he wouldn't care. In fact, all Kakashi-sensei cared for was his porn books and Iruka-sensei, the new Literature teacher. Kakashi-sensei usually ignored all other teachers but for whatever reason, he seemed attached to the new sensei.

Sitting down in her seat, Hinata scanned the room. Karin and her bitches, were, in no doubt, bitching, as usual. Chouji was eating, as usual. Shikamaru was snoozing, as usual. And…

"Naruto-kun…" Hinata let herself sigh, as she propped herself up on one hand, staring dreamily at the farthest corner of the classroom. That was where _they_ hung out, the three most popular, hottest guys in the entire school. Uchiha Sasuke. Sabaku Gaara. And, of course, the victim to Hinata's creepiness, Naruto-kun.

Hinata had liked Naruto from all the way back in elementary. She called it love at first sight, but for some reason, Naruto never got any of her hints. Not that stalking and staring freakishly counted as hints though, right?

The Hyuuga let herself have another glance at the corner. Gaara was looking out the window obviously attempting to ignore the ramen-obsessed blonde who was sitting next to him, ranting on about his favorite flavors of noodles. Sasuke…oh dear lord, was he BLUSHING? Indeed he was. THE Sasuke Uchiha was blushing. The black haired hunk kept glancing up at Kakashi-sensei, almost as if he was remembering something embarrassing from the past…

"Oi, Hinata!"

The white eyed girl snapped her head to the source of the voice.

"Hinata, did you even hear anything I just said?"

She blushed, bowing her head. "I'm so sorry Kiba-kun!"

The dog lover merely waved his hand. "Whatever, well anyway, how's your family doing?"

Hinata twiddled her fingers, a habit she'd never grown out of. "W-we're okay."

"Hey, Hinata, since your family went bankrupt and all that…will you need a job?"

The girl looked up shyly up at her childhood friend, "A-a job?"

"Yeah, you know. Part-time."

"I…guess so. That would be helpful."

"Well I tell you what," he said, leaning closer, voice dropping to a whisper, "Why don't you work as a waitress at a bar?"

Her white eyes widened. "A-a-a bar?"

"Shhh, yeah, a bar. The job pays well, even for a part-time, not to mention there's the tip too."

"It…pays well?"

The tattooed teenager nodded.

Hinata thought it out quickly in her head. If she accepted this job she could finally prove herself useful to her family. Moreover she would be able to keep part of the money to herself and could finally show some independence.

"Y-yes!"

"Yes, what?"

"Yes, I want to, Kiba-kun."

"Wait." A new voice joined the mix. Shino looked at Hinata, or at least she thought he did, but she couldn't tell since he was wearing sunglasses. "Hinata, are you sure you want to accept this job? You can get hurt."

"Shino, don't be such a spoil sport! If she wants to, then just let her. She can choose for herself."

"Kiba, need I remind you," The bug teen's voice was hard, sounding almost accusing, "That there are perverts out there? And Hinata's vulnerable, at a bar no less."

Kiba winced. "Well…yeah, you're right. But I'm sure she can take care of herself, she's a strong girl."

"Kiba! Don't be an idiot."

"Shino-kun, p-please, let me."

"Hinata are you sure, you don't—"

"Yes I do Shino-kun. I h-have to. Please, just let me."

Defeated, the coated teen sat down in his chair, arms cross. "Alright then Hinata, but keep away from the drunks who have weird hair and start muttering about breaking up with their lovers."

She nodded, "Okay."

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

A week later, Hinata found herself standing in front of a dark, dirty building, a newspaper full of job ads clutched tightly to her chest.

Broken neon lights read, "Ichi Ichi Bar"

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

One, Two, Buckle my shoe

With Viagra, his stick grew and grew,

And with this stick, he wrote a review!


	3. Grievances

**Disclaimer: I own many things. Like my toe. Too bad it's not Naru Toe. Ha, get it?**

**Chapter 2: We all Know we Love Itachi, Coherent or not. Why? Because he's hot. Period. He even makes my period hot. **

Hinata felt a frown tug at her lips as she examined the worn down building in front of her. The bar had the disgusting odor of rotten fish and musky cologne, and the girl couldn't understand why anyone would come to such a place to hang out. Shaking her head to rid of such pessimistic thoughts, Hinata straightened herself in an attempt to look confident and capable, which she utterly failed to do since her fingers were trembling and her legs were shaking.

Mustering whatever courage she had in herself, she grasped the metal handle of the bar's entrance and slowly pushed it open. The door squeaked all the while with rust biting away at its hinges, managing to scare Hinata half out of her wits. She definitely was not ready for this.

The inside of the structure looked better than its exterior, though it still did not quite fit Hinata's opinion of sanitary. The bar was dimly lit with dusty yellow bulbs and hideously green colored neon lights that together created a color that remotely reminded Hinata of urine.

Mildly disturbed, the young Hyuuga ventured further into the establishment accidentally bumping into one of the many tables that were scattered across the wide room. Heading towards the counter which was brightest lit area in the room she called out, "H-hello? Is…anybody here?"

For a moment the room was still and there was no response but then with a small rustle and a clanging of metal, came a shout that sounded oddly familiar, "Yeah, yeah, coming, don't have a cow." And out came the owner in all his toad-like glory.

…

"S-SENSEI!" Hinata could not believe her eyes as they set sight upon none other than the white, bushy haired Jiraiya. The man who had once been the literature professor at Konoha Academy until he had left to fulfill his lifelong dream of opening a strip club (or so they say) now stood in front of the raven haired girl, mouth open and absolutely flustered—resembling more of a fish than a toad of which he was known for.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Jiraiya had woken up that morning at one p.m., which was technically the afternoon but little details like time and genital warts didn't matter to him a single bit, after all, he was Jiraiya. Waking up in the middle of day was something he had long since grown accustom to and was starting to enjoy thoroughly. Business in the bar was going well with several regulars coming and going, and soon enough the wart faced man may even be able to turn the run down place into his long awaited strip club. But he still had a long way to go…damn.

He had completed his usual routine of brushing his teeth, taking a dump, and eating leftovers of some sashimi from three days ago. That was followed by sneaking over to the public baths (female section) for his so called inspiration. Then had come back to the bar to make sure everything was okay and do a bit of cleaning. Everything was going according to how Jiraiya wanted it to—that is until he found himself staring back at Hyuuga Hinata, one of his many former students from his old job and one of the few he actually liked.

A long awkward silence passed and Jiraiya was quite sure it was quite thick enough to be sliced with one of his overgrown toenails.

"So, uh, what are you doing here, Hyuuga?" Jiraiya tried not to look straight at the girl, knowing that doing that would only scare her even further. The poor thing looked like she was about to die from embarrassment.

The fifty-something year old man watched as the pale eyed girl attempted to form words, her mouth opening and closing with nothing but squeaks coming out, "I-I-I saw your ad in the n-newspaper…" the words were hardly audible and the pervert had to strain his ears to hear them.

Jiraiya frowned, "Ad? Whaddaya mea—oh! You mean the job ad?" The timid girl nodded, eyes downcast, refusing to look up at him.

The toad man sighed, grabbing one of the rickety chairs that hung upside down on one of the tables near him. Sitting himself down, he rested his chin against his palm, "Is this about the whole Hyuuga bankruptcy affair, Hinata?"

Startled, the raven haired girl glanced up hesitantly at her former professor and nodded, "Y-yes…"

Her affirmation was followed by another sigh from the Ichi Ichi author, "I can't believe that they would make you go out and find work like this—at a bar no less. The Hyuugas really have hit rock bottom—"

"No!" Jiraiya snapped up at her sudden outburst, "I-I mean no…I just—it's me who wanted to do this. My family does not know of it. So please, s-sensei, do not speak ill of them…"

The white haired man rose a bushy brow, "So you're saying that you, on your own decided to come and work at a bar, which your parents have no clue of, and you want me to hire you, a minor. Are you out of your mind Hinata?"

Hinata felt her cheeks flare up in embarrassment, of course Jiraiya was right, what she was doing was completely nonsensical—but she _needed_ to do this. "P-please, please sensei! I'm—I'm always so useless. For once I just…I just want to be able to do something for my family. S-s-so please, hire me!"

"Look, Hinata, you're a nice girl, but—" and that was when Jiraiya made the second biggest mistake of his life (the first being when he peeped on Tsunade and got caught), he looked at her. Her cheeks were pink, her body quaking and her pale lavender eyes were threatening to drown the girl in tears. Jiraiya was notorious for being a pervert, but nonetheless, this toad-faced pervert had a soft spot for crying girls. Letting out a frustrated groan, Jiraiya glared half-heartedly at the close to sobbing student in front of him, "Fine, fine, you're in. But I'm telling you Hyuuga, don't think working here is going to be easy, and don't expect any special treatment either."

Immediately, the tears were gone and her trembling lips curled into a smile, "Th-Thank you so much, sensei! I promise I won't let you down."

The porn-obsessed man merely rolled his eyes and waved his hand at her, "Yeah, whatever. Come back here this Friday at around 8 o'clock p.m., and you better not be late!"

Eyes shining and face beaming, Hinata bowed, even though he wasn't looking, "Yes, sensei!" And with that, she headed out the door, not caring if the door squeaked or if her clothes were covered in dust, because for once, things were looking up for Hyuuga Hinata.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-(Friday)

Sasuke was pissed. In fact, pissed was an understatement. It was just one of those days where nothing seems to go right, and when one becomes quite sure God (if there was one) hated them.

It had started off with the haughty Uchiha having to wake up to blinding sunlight, the screeching of birds, and overall, the screaming of his demented brother telling him to get his ass out of bed. It was then followed by no breakfast, almost dying while Itachi was driving him to school, witnessing Gaara and Naruto make out by accident, lunch with Sakura's bitching, and finally being stood up by his brother who was suppose to pick him up from school.

So here he was, sweaty and flustered from having to walk five and a half miles in the scorching sun with his backpack weighing him down. He was going to kill Itachi if it was the last thing he did.

Growling under his breath about what method he was going to use to murder his brother, he slammed open the white front door and stormed inside the 450 million dollar house. Kicking his shoes off and throwing his backpack on the ground, he headed up the velvet carpeted stairs towards his brother's room.

Ever since Old Maid Sturaki witnessed Itachi and Kakashi's little shag fest in the equipment closet and had resigned, the whole place became a pig sty. The kitchen sink was full with dirty dishes, clothes were left unwashed, and Sasuke was starting to run out of shampoo. The poor state the mansion was in was yet _another_ reason as to why Sasuke should annihilate his older brother. If Itachi had enough dignity, he could have gone and done his business some place where people would not be able to walk in on him.

Muttering silently to himself about how much he hated his brother, Sasuke stood at Itachi's silver trimmed ebony door, trying to collect his nerves before confronting the older Uchiha. After all, Sasuke was no idiot. No one in their right mind would go up against _the _Uchiha Itachi without a death wish. The only dumbass who had ever gone against Itachi and survived would be Naruto and that was only because the dobe had stolen some of Itachi's childhood pictures in which the heir had been dressed up in pink frilly dresses and had threatened to give it to Kakashi. Sasuke could only hope that he would have the blonde's dumb luck because the black eyed teen had no intention of dying a virgin.

So, putting on the angriest, fiercest face he could, Sasuke swung the door open only to be presented with a sight that would make any grown teenager want to run into a corner and piss himself.

There, on the floor lay Boo Boo, the stuffed bear that Kakashi had given Itachi a while back for their six month anniversary. It looked perfectly cute except for the fact that its arms and legs had been cut off and a knife had been thrust through the lacy heart on its chest. Boo Boo had some serious…boo boos.

And lo and behold, sitting on his black silk comforters in all his sinister-ness was Uchiha Itachi like Sasuke had never seen him before. His hair was out of his usual neat pony tail, sticking out at odd ends, his back slouched, his face was set and eyes were narrowed. Immediately, Sasuke knew something was wrong with his brother—or at least more wrong than usual.

Cautiously, Sasuke stepped into the morbid room, being careful as to not step on one of Boo Boo's arms. "Ani..ki?"

Itachi's head shot up looking straight at his younger brother, face blank. It was almost as if the red-eyed brother hadn't even noticed Sasuke's presence, something odd especially for the prodigy. "What is it, Otouto?"

Gulping, and hoping he wouldn't do anything stupid to set his brother off, Sasuke spoke, "Uh…is something wrong?"

Itachi smiled at him, "No, nothing at all Otouto—nothing at all."

Sasuke twitched, his brother just smiled. Now he _knew_ something was most definitely wrong with him, "Oh come on, Aniki, I'm not Naruto—I'm sensible to know that something is up, so will you stop acting like I'm a kid and just tell me! I am you brother for crap's sake!"

The older Uchiha glared, "Do not speak so insolently to me Otouto. If I do not wish to speak to you of such things, then I shall not, and _you_ have no say in the matter."

Sasuke rolled his eyes, there it was again. His damn brother trying to act all high and mighty, acting like Sasuke was nothing but a kid whose brain had turned to mush due to T.V. The younger brother wasn't stupid like his best friend, he could put two and two together, and Itachi knew it. "Will you stop trying to act like dad?"

"I am not acting like—"

"It's Kakashi-sensei isn't it," Sasuke crossed his arms against his chest, "he broke up with you didn't he?"

Itachi frowned, "…How did you know?"

Sasuke rolled his eyes once more and leaned back against the wall, "Don't make me repeat myself Itachi—I'm not stupid."

The long haired Uchiha nodded, "Right." And collapsed back onto the bed, sighing.

"So…do you know why he…you know…" Sasuke mentally punched himself, he sounded like such a retard! So much for not being stupid…but who could blame him, here he was talking to his older brother about his breakup with his Literature teacher; anyone would feel awkward.

"I'm not sure but he said something about finding someone else—some guy named Iruka."

Sasuke felt his brain spasm. His Literature teacher broke up with his Aniki who was voted the hottest hunk in six magazines, is the heir to a multi-billion dollar company, and is respected by every single person in high society for a pineapple headed, timid, high school teacher who raises a moronic blonde nincompoop? What was the world coming to? "You have got to be kidding me."

Itachi raised an eyebrow, "You know I don't kid."

He mentally himself a second time, "Right. But come on, Aniki! You are the most wanted bachelor in all the Eastern Hemisphere, to both men and women, I'm certain you can do better than some grey haired pervert who spends his day reading porn and who'll probably suffer from impotency in two years."

The usually composed Uchiha let a small grin creep up to his face, "Bachelor eh? Well, guess I am one now…" abruptly, he stood and grabbed his leather jacket from his closet and strode out the door leaving a startled Sasuke behind, "Well then, I guess it's time for this bachelor to go get himself another man slave."

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Hinata let out a soft sigh as she stared at herself in the staff room mirror, her mind felt like it was going to burst from being so nervous. She was wearing a black skirt that reached a little below her knees with a black tank top and cardigan with simple sandals. Jiraiya had offered her a uniform but something told her to refuse, after all any sort of clothes coming from her old Literature sensei was most definitely not to be trusted. The eerie sound of the door opening snapped her back into reality and with a small smile to herself, she stepped out to start her first day at her job at the Ichi Ichi Bar. Oh, jolly.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Right about now, Hinata felt like she was about to break down and cry. Her record so far was: 10 gropes to the bum, 5 attempts to fondle her chest, 7 reaches for a kiss, and 22 men with a paralyzed arm. ("It was a reflex," she swore.)

With a shaky sigh, she moved towards a new customer. "What would you like tonight?" she asked lightly. The face was obscured by the menu and no answer was came. Clearing her throat she attempted to ask one more time, "Excuse me sir, but-"

"I heard you the first time!" an agitated voice retorted. Stepping back in fear, Hinata tightened her grip on notebook that she used to take orders with, not wanting to anger the customer any further, "Just get me the strongest drink you got," he said, throwing the menu unceremoniously on the table, bringing his head up to look at her. Hinata's eyes widened in fear as her pale eyes locked with blood red ones.

"Your eyes…a Hyuuga? What are you doing here?" he asked, eyes narrowing—suspicion evident in his voice.

"J-just…u-uhmm…" she started, fumbling with her notepad and pen.

"Whatever, I don't care," he cut her off, shrugging. Itachi had better things to do then meddle in gossip and media affairs. Not to mention, Itachi knew what the Hyuugas had gone through, and if they had sent one of their offspring to some sleezy bar to make money, it was no concern of his.

"P-please don't mention this to anyone!" she pleaded, a full out 90-degrees bow coming out, all her held back tears actually surfacing, threatening to pool down her face.

He watched her with a bored look, "Whatever." Kami-sama, no wonder he didn't like women, way too emotional. Once she had delivered to him his drink, Hinata was out of sight and took to staying out of Itachi's sight and trying her best to get the other waitresses to serve him, which wasn't particularly hard, since none of them minded catering to a sexy, mysterious hunk.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

But, as Hinata should have expected, Lady Luck didn't stay with her as she had hoped, and sent a full on flirt on her.

The Hyuuga looked down at the bar's grimy floor, not wanting to meet the stare of one of her customers who grinned up at her, toothpick dangling from the tip of his mouth. "So, sweetie, what's a nice, cute girl like you working here?" He leaned forward, "Such a waste, a pretty flower rotting in a dump like this."

Panicking, and completely oblivious as to what to do, she merely shook her head, "Please sir, I-I just…"

"Genma!" the guy next to her verbal assaulter snapped, "Leave her alone."

The man named Genma shrugged, "Calm down, Hayate—just having a little fun never hurt anyone," his grin growing larger, the bandana wearing man reached out for her arm, "I could show you lots of fun."

Then, before anyone could react, an arm had shot out pinning Genma's hand down to the table's dirty surface, knocking down a glass of beer in the process. "I suggest you stop talking and get your ass out of here, you filthy little bastard. You think you can just toy with people's emotions than throw them away like trash? People like you deserve to rot in hell." There was a rush of wind against fabric and then Genma was on the floor, clutching his bleeding nose where Hinata's rescuer had punched him.

"My God, man! What the hell? It was just a little flirting, calm down." Genma sputtered out, trying to wipe the blood away with his sleeves.

Hayate, stood, coughing slightly, "I sincerely apologize for my friend's stupidity," taking out a wad of cash from his wallet he threw it on the table, "This should cover the expense of the damage." And proceeded to drag his companion out the bar, chiding him for being an idiot, and the room was blanketed in silence. The first one to break the uncomfortable quiet was the none other than Jiraiya, who chuckled nervously, and announced his apology for the commotion, and the room was bustling once more with idle chatter.

Hinata stood, petrified, as she looked at her so called savior. The Uchiha legend glared at her, his red eyes glaring as if to peel away the layers of her mind, "Do not think that you are anything to me Hyuuga—this will not happen a second time. The next time you decide to freeze up like a coward, you're on your own." With those words, the red eyed man stormed back to his seat, and back to his alcohol driven beverage.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Two hours later, Hinata was stacking chairs on the tables and thanking what god was out there for having mercy on her and giving her no more drama after the incident with Genma.

"Well, Hinata, you did pretty well on your first day!" Jiraiya said, walking up to her and patting her shoulder, nearly making her jump out of her skin. She smiled back weakly, hoping he wouldn't pursue the topic. "But it's time you found out that serving the customers is just the first part of working at a bar."

She froze, this old fart had got to be kidding her. Hinata stared at her boss, fearful as to what might be worse than being groped and molested. Letting out a throaty laugh, Jiraiya gestured around the room, "Second part is, you gotta get rid of any dumbass drunks that linger around." Following his hand Hinata couldn't help but want to scream, because, just as he declared, there lay one of the infamous drunks, collapsed onto the grimy surface of one of the tables. Chuckling once more, Jiraiya headed off to go check on the kitchen, wishing her good luck as he walked through the black doors.

Inwardly groaning at her misfortune, she padded her way towards the drunk and nudged him cautiously, "Sir..?"

"…leave me…some pineapple-headed teacher…-sob-…"

Hinata eyebrows furrowed, whatever this man was talking about she didn't want to know, "Sir, the bar is closing and you—"

The man's head swung up, eyes looking at her blearily. "Hyuuga-chan!" he cried happily, encircling the girl in his arms. Hinata's pale eyes widened as she came face to face with a very drunk, wasted Uchiha …who just called her Hyuuga-chan. This definitely was not good.

"Uchiha-senpai! P-please let go." Hinata pushed him away from her. Itachi stumbled tripping on one of the chair's legs, landing on his bum.

"Owww…" Itachi whined, a small pout forming on his lips. "Hyuuga-chan, that hurt~"

"S-sorry, senpai…" she said hastily, rather frightened at this odd sight of her usually composed senpai.

He brightened up, "Awwwwww, Hyuuga-chan, you do care! You're so nice." Suddenly his face saddened, "Nothing like that stupid Kakashi…"

Hinata blinked, confused, "You, you know Kakashi-sensei?"

Itachi glared menacingly, or at least he attempted to, but being drunk apparently made it hard for him to control his facial muscles and he looked more like a child who wanted his toy back, "Yeah, I know that bitch. That stupid whore dumped me for some idiot named Iruka. Actually dumped me! Can you believe it?"

No, no she could not believe it. Hinata blushed and covered her cheeks at this bit of newfound information. Not only was _the_ Uchiha Itachi _gay_, he was gay with her English sensei that had dumped _him_ in order to be with her Literature sensei? What was the world coming to?

Before the raven haired girl could muster a reply, Jiraiya showed up, phone in hand, "Hey Hinata, I called a cab for that drunk and-HOLY BOOBIES! Is that Uchiha Itachi?"

Hinata gave him a sheepish smile, "Y-yes. So is the cab outside, sensei?" Jiraiya just nodded, his jaw still dropped and mind still reeling from the thought that he had the famous Itachi in his bar, drunk—and he had half a mind to go take some pictures of this amazing event. But the Hyuuga beat him to it and swung the Uchiha's arm around her shoulders and headed out, "Well, I-I guess I'll be off now, sensei."

By the time Hinata had made it outside, the erotica author had managed to compose himself and follow her out. "Yo, Hinata, you sure you wanna take him home alone?"

Hinata nodded, offering him a small smile, "Yes, sensei, I owe him."

Jiraiya nodded in understanding, and helped her pile Itachi into the taxi, "Well, be safe, you hear? The part time waitress nodded and mouthed a thank you before the cab backed out of the parking lot and into the streets.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

_Sasuke frowned; something was seriously wrong because he was standing in the middle of the beach, wearing nothing but a leaf over his crotch. Oh yes, something was absolutely wrong. Being the calm, practical man he was, the Uchiha walked along the beach hoping to find something or someone who would explain what was going on. And then he saw it the horrendously shade of pink and worse yet, the people who were wearing it._

_In all there gay glory, was Naruto and Gaara, dressed up in their tiny little pink tutus, spinning their way towards a very vulnerable and very naked Sasuke. All the raven could think of doing, was run, which was exactly what he did. He ran and ran for the sake of his virginity and his ass. He could hear their giggles behind him and then out of their horrific mouths came this creepy beeping noise that sounded oddly like a…_

Sasuke snapped up from his bed, sweat pouring from his forehead. Cursing his best friends and their ability to haunt him in his dreams, the messy haired teen threw off his blankets and jogged down the wide stairs towards the front door.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Hinata had to do everything in her might to keep from laughing like a lunatic. In the short taxi ride of twenty minutes, Itachi had managed to blurt out about how he had scared off his old maid, Sturaki and for half the ride, he had kept repeating, "Our old maid. Such a hag~ Caught me and Kakashi during a shag~" and every time, the phrase would be followed with Itachi praising himself for being able to create such a genius rhyme. And now, the odd pair were making their way through the front garden and towards the huge set of mahogany doors a few yards away, with Itachi singing "No Air" at the top of his lungs.

Upon reaching the doorway, Hinata, adjusted the Itachi's arm around her shoulder and reached out to ring the door bell. A few seconds passed and Hinata pushed the ivory button once more.

"TELL ME HOW I'M SUPPOSED TO BREATHE WITH NO AIRRRRRR~~"

"S-senpai, please lower your voice." Hinata sighed, waiting for someone to answer the door. Then, right on cue, the door swung open, revealing none other than a groggy, shirtless Sasuke.

"Kami-sama, you're drunk aren't you? Damn it, hurry up and get your ass in here, we don't want the media to catch you like this!" the onyx eyed Uchiha growled, moving to drag his brother inside the safety of the mansion but finally realized that something was supporting Itachi and that he wasn't miraculously leaning off someone invisible.

Hinata let out a small yelp as Sasuke's gaze met her's.

"Hyuuga! What are you doing here?" his glare, Hinata found out, was just as strong as his brother's, and right about now, she wouldn't mind burying herself a little hole and hiding there for the rest of her life.

"I-I-I just—"

Itachi leaned forward, using his arm that wasn't around Hinata's shoulders to prod Sasuke in the neck, "You, little punk. Don't talk to dear sweet Hyuuga-chan like that! She," Itachi swung back and forth for a bit, the alcohol's effect, "She, understands my uhh…my pain! Cute little Hyuu-chan knows that Kakashi's a bastard, just like-just like, me!" Itachi fell forward onto Sasuke, who managed to catch him.

If Hinata had thought that Sasuke's glare couldn't get any more frightening, she was dead wrong. "Listen here, _Hyuuga_, if you tell a single soul about my brother and Kakashi-sensei, then I will make sure you regret it." Without waiting for her reply, the sober Uchiha slammed the door in the terrified girl's face.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Hinata walked silently down the garden pavement towards the waiting taxi, arms wrapped around herself. Uchiha Sasuke had told her not to tell a soul, and she didn't plan to, after all Kami-sama knows what would happen when you cross an Uchiha.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

I'm going coo coo

Because I always have to do

This for a review.

Yeah, okay. That one was pretty lame, but can you sue me?


	4. Hungover

**Note: **..x is no longer co-writing this fic with me, unfortunately.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. Yah, man, that totally blows. (I should really be a rapper.)

**Chapter 3: The author is totally Itachi biased. You can tell by his amazingly awesome awesomness. The author also wonders when the plot will get a jump-start…**

Sasuke hated mornings. He hated how the sunlight scratched at the curtains and glared in his face, hated how the birds thought their screeching was "beautiful" and he hated how when he woke up his hair seemed to resemble a chicken's ass more than usual. Most definitely, Sasuke hated mornings.

Groaning, the black eyed hunk rolled over onto his stomach. He pressed a thousand dollar pillow against his head and silently waited for the moment where his brother would come up and start yelling at him to get up. But that's when it hit the poor boy—what happened last night, that is. Itachi's anti-climatical break down and his little show with the Hyuuga came rushing back into Sasuke's groggy head.

If his brother was half as drunk as the teen thought he was, than the red-eyed man must be suffering from a serious hang over.

Letting out another moan, Sasuke swung his body off the bed, dressed in nothing but his boxers. Padding towards his grand bathroom, he casually scratched his crotch with one hand as the other stretched above his head.

Just like the usual.

He continued with his morning routine of showering, brushing his teeth, attempting to piss into the toilet whilst standing six feet away, and changing into his uniform before he headed downstairs. Stupid Naruto had been the one to get him into the game, but he'd never admit to the blond dobe that he secretly practiced every morning just to beat the fox at target peeing.

Yeah, it's an art.

Mentally sighing, Sasuke ignored the mess that lay there on his way down. He had attempted to clean up the place a little last night, but it was still horribly muddled. That is, if you change attempted with not at all and little with nothing. He quickly tightened the tie around his neck and jumped the last few steps of the staircase before speed walking toward the kitchen. The poor adolescent was starving. He hadn't eaten anything since he gotten home the day before, after all, a lot had happened.

Looking forward to a simple breakfast of Honey Bunches of Oats and toast, he swung himself pass the corner and into the kitchen to discover that yes, nightmares could come true.

Sasuke froze in mid step as he unwillingly took notice of the dark figure before him; his brother looked like he had been dragged through a writhing mass of horny fangirls…which would explain why he wasn't wearing any clothes. Attempting to ignore the burning glare of red eyes into the back of his head as he reached for his beloved box of cereal, Sasuke mentally shuddered.

Yesterday, he had thought that Itachi looked bad, but today…Fucking shit, he looked like a whole different person. Hell, his hair which had been messy the day before looked simply gorgeous compared to now which could even be deemed as Satan's pubes.

The young teen cringed as he heard a wheezy voice call out to him, "Sasuke…"

"Y-yes? Aniki, what's wrong?" The younger Uchiha resisted the urge to smack his head against the porcelain counter top. What a stupid question! OF COURSE there was something wrong with him. He looked practically ready to keel over for crap's sake.

Reluctantly sitting down to face his brother on his side of the counter, his stomach clenched as his brother's glare intensified. "Don't be stupid Otouto, how many times must I say that. You should stop hanging out with that dimwit blond; his idiocy seems to be rubbing off with you."

The sixteen year old rolled his downcast eyes and brought a spoonful of cow piss into his mouth. He hated it when Itachi poked fun at his friends and usually retorted back, but right now, putting Itachi into a worse mood and dying with a bowl of cereal crushed against his face was not on his to-do list. Instead he glanced at the glass of tomato colored juice that Itachi was swirling with a finger. "What's that," he asked face scrunching up at the distasteful appearance of the ooze.

Itachi broke his glare on his beloved little brother to look at what seemed to be menstruation in a cup. "A remedy for this pounding head ache."

Sasuke raised an eyebrow, "Remedy? Who told you that? I don't think that's going to do anything good, you should dump it."

Itachi shrugged, still swirling the cup in his hand, "Kisame did, of course. It seems that he's got quite the experience with these…predicaments"

The handsome adolescent scoffed at his elder brother's stubborn refusal to say the word hangover. "Kisame? Even worse, dump it. Now."

Itachi gave him a blank stare. "Kisame is a trustworthy…man."

Sasuke snorted into his bowl of cereal, eyes watering when the milk ran up his nose. "Are you KIDDING me? That fish man trustworthy? Don't tell me you forgot that time with the pond! Remember when we use to have that amazing million dollar pond in the backyard filled with fat, healthy beautiful Koi fish? Remember WHO we found with one in his MOUTH still ALIVE? I wouldn't trust that freaky fish bastard with a box of gold fish much less my brother."

The red eyed man waved him off. "So judgmental Otouto, that is a matter of the past…but talking of trustworthy, what of that Hyuuga girl?"

Frowning, Sasuke threw the bowl of cereal onto the mountain of dirty dishes that swayed dangerously high above the ground, "Hyuuga Hinata? What do you mean?"

"Well," Itachi stood, revealing that he wasn't wearing any underwear either (much to Sasuke's dismay), "What kind of person is she? How does she work? Can she cook?"

Sasuke leaned against the curved edge of the counter, arms crossed. "How the hell would I know that?"

His brother shrugged and gulped down the cup of thick crimson liquid, a slight grimace appearing on his face. Sighing, Itachi threw the glass on top of Sasuke's blue cereal bowl, "So you don't know…what a pity."

Sasuke watched as his brother bent over to look at the rather empty fridge, giving him a rather disturbingly clear view of his butt…and what lay beyond. "Ngh! Well I-I'm going to head off to school now, since you're obviously in no condition to drive."

Grabbing his leather school bag and throwing it over his shoulder, the chicken-headed teen was about to walk out of the kitchen when his brother's raspy voice startled him out of his wits for the second time that morning. "Hey, Sasuke…"

Somewhat disgruntled, and obviously irritated, he shouted at his brother who was now holding an ice pack to his head. "What?"

"Today is a Sa-," Itachi paused and gave him a thoughtful look. His half-lidded eyes flickered to and fro before his lips curled into a smirk. "No, nothing. Goodbye, foolish Otouto."

Sasuke rolled his eyes and gave a half-hearted wave as he stepped out of the white kitchen. "Yeah, yeah, bye."

Itachi watched Sasuke step out and waited for the click of a door before moving the ice pack from his head to his crotch. "Damn…"Itachi groaned—what the hell DID he do last night? He had the urge to slam his head against the wall to rid him of his misery, but Uchihas did NOT slam their head against walls. Shaking his head to rid of the biting pain at his nether regions, he made his way out of the kitchen and up the stairs towards the master bedroom.

Sighing as he climbed into his jet-spray shower, Itachi threw ice pack onto the ground and moaned as the hot water slammed into his naked body.

Sasuke was right. The place just kept getting messier and messier and Itachi would bend over for Orochimaru before he would dare lay a hand on a dirty dish.

Adjusting the spray aimed at his head the red-eyed Uchiha reached out for the shampoo on the shelf beside him blindly. "Oh, hell no." His neck snapped up as his searching hand was met with nothing. "Shit!"

No more shampoo…it was his worst nightmare.

Cursing under his breath, Itachi slammed open the shower door, wincing as the cold air grazed his sore package. He ran to the towel closet across the room. Growling, he threw everything out of his way to his secret vault where he hid his Uber-duber Silky Shampoo™. He ripped the door off its hinges and—NO, NOTHING! The poor man felt like he would shed tears of agony. THE HORROR.

Itachi searched in his closet, in the drawers, and even in his "toy box" but the shampoo-deprived man couldn't find anything that even resembled his beloved, favorite shampoo brand. The crimson-eyed Uchiha had never experienced such panic and desperation since he was at his grandparents' house for two weeks and was unable to play with his…Mr. Twinkles.

Just about ready to throw himself over the balcony, Itachi threw on his clothes and not even bothering to button up his shirt, he grabbed the keys to his Lamborghini, blue-tooth headset beeping away. "Oi, Kisame! Tell the others I'm going to be late, I'm bringing a guest."

_Enough of the fucking procrastinating,_ Itachi thought bitterly to himself, _I'm going to get my damn maid._

Two birds with one stone didn't sound so bad, after all.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Sasuke had a serious, dangerous urge to slam his head against the nearest wall as he gaped up at the black iron, CLOSED gates of Konoha High. Swinging his head back and forth his jaw dropped further as he realized that there were hardly any cars around and no bumbling, annoying students anywhere in sight. No stupid, rabid, foaming at-the-mouth fangirls who were trying to rip open his pants. No horrid high-school, just out of driving school, teenagers nearly running him over. But most of all, no stupid, stupid Naruto to tackle him down to the floor the moment he stepped onto the school property.

Grabbing his phone out of his pocket in a hurry and nearly dropping it in his desperation, he cried out as he saw the digital words on the clean surface that read "Saturday". His eyes widened in realization as he remembered Itachi's weird behavior before he left the house. "That bastard!"

Groaning he let his body crumple down against the school wall, utterly astonished at his grand ability to epically fail at life. Sighing he threw his head back against the brick surface and slammed his messy head against the harsh surface as an annoying beeping rang through his already aching head. Cursing his ill luck Sasuke brought his phone up to his ear. "Hello?"

"Oi, Uke-teme," Sasuke winced as he realized that the digitalized voice was coming from right in front of him. Opening his black eyes hesitantly, they settled upon a stupidly grinning, familiar face and then flickered towards the mop of red hair next to it.

Moaning, the Uchiha pulled himself to his feet, "I told you not to call me that Dobe! Besides," he mumbled as he brushed the dust off his school pants, "what are you doing here? It's a Saturday."

Naruto laughed at him, his grin so wide it made his eyes look chinky. "Me? How about you? You're even in your uniform."

Gaara nodded. "Fail."

Sasuke glared at them both and rolled his eyes. "Just shut up and take me out of here."

The blonde idiot patted him on the back, still laughing at his black-haired friend's stupidity, "Of course, of course, to the Yaoi club we go!"

"Eh."

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Uchiha Itachi frowned as he stared down at his watch then back to the thick book that lay on his lap, his eyes narrowing ever so slightly. Sighing, he threw the miraculous Yellow Pages onto the back of his car, and silently thanked whatever God was out there for creating the holy book for those who lost their way on the road of life.

His "crew" as they called themselves had been more useless than usual. Here he was, their company president asking simply for some directions and all they managed to do was state the obvious and piss him off. The Uchiha seriously had to start thinking about getting some new men, those idiots were starting to do more harm than good.

Sighing for the second time that day, he kicked open his car door and fought back the urge to slam it closed in irritation because he—god damn it all—still didn't have his shampoo!

Itachi strolled up the well-groomed garden towards the plain front door and without actually thinking, he knocked. He decided that it might just be better to "go with the flow" then to be cunning for once…especially since it seemed like this Hyuuga Hinata didn't possess much brains to convince in the first place.

Tapping his foot impatiently he took a sharp intake of breath and brought his hand up to knock at the wooden surface once more, his patience quickly wearing out. But then came the quiet squeaking of hinges as the door creaked open and he found his fist coming into contact with a pale face and his ears filling with the sound of a rather annoying, high-pitched whelp. Itachi stared at the figure in front of him who had stumbled back a few steps; long hair, pale eyes, well-endowed chest, and the look as if she was going to piss herself. Ah, the right one.

Feeling her eyes starting to water up from the sting, Hinata grimaced at the fist that was still pressing painfully against her cheek. Sniffling, she looked past the fist that was still attached to her cheek, up the arm, and finally to the rather handsome face that belonged to- "Hello."

The timid teen instantly flared up, her right cheek starting the match the red of the other. "H-hello Uchiha-senpai. I-I…what are you doing here? Th-that is, if I can ask!" She stood, hands at her side, completely rigid. Hell, she didn't even bother to ask him to kindly remove his knuckles from her face.

Itachi resisted the urge to roll his eyes, no wonder he had that faint feeling of dread when he thought of talking of her. The girl talked to him as if he was going to eat her. "I came to see you."

Immediately she went even redder, if at all possible. "I—M-me? Oh my, I-I…"

But before Itachi could retract his fist and punch her again, this time for stuttering so damn much, a voice was heard a few meters away from inside the house. "Who is that at the door? Is it one of those Jehova's Witness? Because if it is, kick him out."

Letting out a gasp as she realized that the footsteps were starting to approach the front door, Hinata's mind raced. If her father saw Uchiha Itachi there, he would ask why, and then he would find out about the waitress job, and then she would be royally screwed over!

The Hyuuga girl did the first thing that came to her mind and pushed at the taller man in a frenzy, her own brain not even comprehending her own frantic actions, which would very well explain why the two were on the ground a second later, behind a Holly bush, in a rather compromising position.

Itachi, infamous CEO and sexy man extraordinaire gave another blank stare up at the…boobage that swung back and front of his eyes. He inwardly grimaced…such jiggly mounds of fat, no wonder he preferred men over those gross freaks of nature. Shaking his head of the offending thoughts he cocked a brow and tilted his neck upwards to meet eyes with a now almost purple-faced Hyuuga.

He lay there staring at the girl in front of him who he was absolutely certain would die of blood loss since it all seemed to be rushing insanely to her wine-red cheeks.

Hinata stared down, fingers trembling, face burning, and completely horrified. She, the shy, timid, quiet Hyuuga Hinata had just pushed THE cold, intimidating, possessor of the don't-fuck-with-me glare, Uchiha Itachi, onto the ground and was now straddling his crotch. _His crotch._ As in the area where the single piece of huge, delicious, most craved sausage in the entire Eastern Hemisphere lay hidden. The _crotch._

About ready to faint of embarrassment, the pale-eyed girl did all she could do: apologize like crazy. "I-I! I'm so sorry! Please forgive me Uchiha-senpai, I-I was just—I'm so sorry!" With that, she attempted to get up to her feet and off the CEO's waist—keyword, _attempted._

In a flourish of squeals and dust, the ex-heiress found herself sprawled on the ground, this time, it was Itachi who was straddling her in that oh-so…naughty way. Well, she _was_ technically off of _him_. She stared up at his stoic face, eyes wide and filled with "OMFG WTF JUST HAPPENED?"

"Hello there," the Uchiha started once more, acting as if him pinning her down was a normal gesture of greeting, "I would like to offer you a job proposition."

She blinked, resisting the urge to mirror his questioning eyebrow gesture from before. "E-excuse me?"

The elder Uchiha glared down at her, not bothering to mask his emotions any longer—he wanted his shampoo, damn it! "I said, I'm offering you a job. The position of maid at my manor, please don't make me repeat myself, girl. Now, what is your answer?"

x-x-x-

Omg Itachi is so hot

So hot I need a tissue

In the form of a…review?

Wow, this rhyming stuff is really hard.

Sorry for the long wait for an update (teehee), I'm trying my best to get up on my feet and start a steady stream of writing going but this block pummels me down every time. Again, no promises, but I'll try to make the next chapter within a month (?).

Review Requirement p/chapter: 10


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